The Bad Mom

 I worked the midnight to 6am shift for a Portland rock station and loved every second of it.  It was perfect I didn’t have to deal with any of the slimly sales people or the suits in corporate or the interns and promotion department that always want to hang out and pitch ideas.  I became obsessed with photocopying my ass, just because I could then fax it to my listeners who were stuck alone at night with office equipment. My favorite game was to play: “Let’s see what my co-workers left for me to eat in the fridge.”  I always went for the bags that said:  Do Not Eat!  I’m such a rebel. Another perk to working the late shift  was that I could break  format which meant I would play what ever I wanted because my bosses were all asleep, so I thought.  I got a request for Sublime’s  “Date Rape.”  As the song played the studio line began blinking.  Fuck, it was Zoe, the mid-day girl/ music director.“I DIDN’T PROGRAM THIS SONG!” she yelled.It was a request.  “IF YOU WANT YOUR JOB, YOU PLAY WHAT I TELL YOU TO PLAY!” click.  I recorded our conversation, re-mixed it with a music bed and different effects.  I played it over and over revealing to the audience what a bitch she was.  Every time I passed her in the halls or sat across from her at staff meetings, she would look at me and point her two fingers in her eyes then into mine, as to say, “I’m gonna get you, bitch!”  Women can be horribly cruel to one another especially when there’s a threat, I imagined I threatened her, which is a complement in the business, although everyone is.   One day she left a message on my answering machine, “Is there something wrong with your hearing?  You played the unedited version of “Jeremy” by Pearl Jam, where Eddie Veddar clearly says “Daddy’s little FUCK!  I got my eye on you.”  clickZoe was arrested for DUI and called me begging from her cell to cover her ass and not to tell anyone, so I did.  We became friends then we both got fired when the station automated.  That was my career in radio.