Oct 10 2008
When the Shit hits the Fan
Couch surfing can leave you sleeping in some interesting places. From my sister’s garage to the coop of a feather farm and I can’t really talk about the week we slept under the stars guarding marijuana plants armed with riffles and a diaper bag. Some places we stayed at had guestrooms with cable and a housekeeper. For the most part we were welcomed with open arms of love and support except when we encountered Helen.
When my sister got evicted that left them homeless as well. So the father of my sister’s children offered us a place to stay while he was away. It was a small cabin in Felton next to an old lady named Helen. We rolled in late at night while Helen was fast asleep. The next morning we drove the kids to school and when I returned Helen stood on her porch.
Hi I’m Juan’s sister-in-law, you must be Helen.
How many people you got shit’n in there? She growled standing in her floral bath robe.
Uhhh….I stood confused. Well he shits himself, I began while pointing to my 1-year-old.
So I guess that makes 4 shit-ers.
THAT’S WHY MY SEPTIC TANK IS OVERFLOWING! TOO MANY SHIT-ERS!
Well we can shit somewhere else if that would make it better.
No, I live here and I don’t like a bunch of strangers comin & goin.
I didn’t mean to cause problems, but if we could work something out it would help us out I have 4 Homeless children so give me some time to make other arrangements.
She slammed her front door mumbling.
I went inside to pack our things and make some phone calls until a pound at the door interrupted me.
I barely turned the handle when the door was pushed in by an angry Italian woman.
YOU FUCKING MY BROTHER!?!?!
Who?
Helen just called me and said you are my brother’s lover.
What?
Look I’m not fucking anybody, thanks for rubbing it in. Obviously we are not welcomed up here so I’m leaving and I’ll take my shit with me.
