The Bad Mom

My roommates Kat and Lily were married New Years Eve in Vancouver, BC. (Yes son before you were born it was illegal for same sex partners to be married in America.) Isn’t that crazy? It also used to be illegal for black people to drink out of the same drinking fountains as the white people. After a small ceremony we went out to dinner then dancing. Being four months pregnant I wasn’t in the mood to dance, I wasn’t really in the mood to be there but it was New Years and I volunteered to be the designated driver. So I sat back and watched. This drunken chick came up and asked why I wasn’t dancing. I told her I was pregnant; she got on her knees and shouted into my tummy, “You wanna dance baby?” The Canadian girl then gave us a lap dance. “Isn’t that cute, Baby’s first lap dance, I’ll have to note this in the baby book,” the voice in my head says. She sat down next to me and rubbed my belly shouting gibberish into my stomach until she passed out using my stomach as her pillow. Kat walked up and asked who my new friend was; she says her name is Brandy, can we go now? Rule # 1 son: Stay away from drunken chicks named after liquor.

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